How Can I Forgive...Vera Sinton

Resentment Is Bad For You.
a proverb says, Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never harm me.

Alas that is quite untrue! Words can do untold damage, even at a physical level. When someone deceives you, or curses you, the anger of rear you feel produces profound changes to your heart rate and blood pressure. Your body gears up to fight or run away. In extreme cases, people can suffer heart attacks and strokes as a result of hearing cruel words or watching horrible events.

Pain is an important safety valve. When you cut your leg, the pain you feel warns you of the damage done and reminds you to be more careful. It may send you hurrying to someone you love for consolation. Or to a doctor for stitches.

Feeling anger when you have been hurt by someone is not wrong. (We shall come back to this).) It is a normal reaction and the sign of a healthy personality. If the matter is small and trivial you probably need simply to admit the feeling and quietly bring it under control.

But if it is a more serious hurt you may well need help. The pain should not be ignored. It should be openly admitted to someone else who can comfort and help. It often takes time before emotional pain subsides.

Ideally, talking will be followed by reconciliation with the person who caused the hurt. You say to me, 'You hurt me.' We talk about it until I understand the hurt and show I am sorry about it and want to give you comfort and love.

Usually that will be sufficient to take much of the pain out of the hurt. But suppose you refuse to talk or to admit there is a problem. The anger you felt at the beginning does not go away. Instead it settles down into a long-term resentment. Every time you think about the event you smoulder inside. It worms its way into your personality and relationships. 'I'll never trust anyone again,' you say and hold people at arm's length.

If the resentment is strong enough, the inner stress may take its toll on the body. So initial anger may be health but long-term, unhealed anger is very dangerous indeed. For our own good, we need to learn how to forgive.